calling all dog lovers!

I'm having a conundrum.
A big one.
I can't find a dog.
I can't stop searching for one.
Which is why I'm up at 11:45.
Searching the web for puppies.
We had a grand idea.
The perfect picture of happy country life.
And that picture included a cute little puppy to love on, protect us, and be a part of the family.
One problem...
We can't find one!
Unless we want a teeny tiny toy poodle kind of puppy that could fit in our pocket.
The world seems to be full of those.
Not ideal for county life.
I think it could possibly be eaten by our chickens.
It could be an appetizer for the abundant coyotes running around howling at night,
or the scary mountain lions I found out live nearby.
Thanks Billy...way to scare your new neighbors!
So, we've been searching for a LONG time for the best breed for our family.
Our criteria:
Protector {so I don't pee my pants every time I walk outside after sunset}
Good with kids {because we have kids}
Large {we like them big!}
Short hair {we don't like big fur balls everywhere}
Plus a few other wants, but not necessarily needs.

So our list:

 Meet the Cane Corso.

Pros: exactly what we're looking for personality-wise.

Cons: Possibly one of the least attractive dogs I've seen. 

 Meet the Rottweiler.

 Pros: My personal favorite for personality and looks.

Cons: Almost everyone who's asked what breed we're thinking of getting has said they won't come to our house if we end up buying a rottweiler...but I'm sure they'd change their mind once they met ours :)

 Meet the Viszla.

Pros: Protector, and not aggressive.

Cons: A little on the wild side and needs tons of attention.

Meet the Weimeraner.

Pros: My parent's have one, so we're very used to the breed.

Cons: They prefer to live inside. They are CRAZY! But still protective and good with kids.

So there's the list so far. 

You'd think they would have one of these dogs for sale in Kansas.

But no.

Unless you're willing to shell out over $1,000 in most cases. 

Which is about the same amount we paid for our little human baby.

{give or take a thousand}

But he's human, so we'll let it slide. 

Which by the way, brings me to another point. 

Did you know, for most transactions, you are required to fill out an EXTENSIVE application to be considered to buy a puppy?

Considered means it's the first step. 

NOT a guarantee. 

And in most cases, is complete with home visits.

I'm fine with making sure dogs are being sold to reputable people who will treat them well.

But a minimum of 5 pages with questions from the type of house we live in, if we rent or own, complete with exit strategies for emergencies, to what we are planning on doing with the dog if heaven forbid we leave for a few hours, is a little much.

I still filled it out. 

But I felt a little odd answering over 50 questions about my future life with my puppy.

We'll love it. It'll love us. It'll learn the rules. End of conversation.

That's not enough I guess. 

No one asked me anything when I had my three babies.

My real human babies, who, in actuality should mean a little bit more than a puppy.

What type of person are you, do you have an exit strategy, Do you have a house, Have you thought of a discipline style? 

Those seem like great questions for someone to ask to make sure you know what you're doing before you have a human being!!

But I think I'm getting off subject. 

Or maybe I should go to bed.

So I can be happy and sweet when those three little munchkins wake up at six crazy o'clock.

But anyways...what do you think?

Have any suggestions, or where to buy a puppy?

'Cause I'm at my wits end. 

And I think I may possibly be shot if I bring up puppies one more time in a conversation. 

And please don't worry...we will love our dog and treat her very well.

I'm just being a dork, and can't quite wrap my head around the application process.
Craziness.