a new grip

I have been having a very hard time with Ellie and Tripp.
They are like two little tornadoes.
The house never stays clean for more than a few minutes.
Tripp is like a totally different boy.
He's loud, he hurts Ellie, he climbs on everything.
He's a handful.
Ellie never stops talking.
Ever.
I feel guilty for feeling that way.
They are supposed to be the joys of my life.
I'm supposed to be enjoying every minute of being with them, because it goes so fast.
I'm supposed to smile and laugh when they take their diaper off at night and smear poop everywhere.
Those are the crazy moments you look back on 10 years later and laugh about.
But most of the time, I just feel exhausted and can't seem to see the joy in their behavior
or our day to day interactions.
I'm sure my mom has definitely heard more than enough of all my complaints.
And she usually kindly reminds me of a few enjoyable things about the children that I usually choose not to focus on in the moment.
I don't like having to be reminded that my kids are joys and not terrors.
I want to be able to remind myself that without having to complain 500 times to someone else to hear them say "it's normal" and make me feel better.

My mom sent me this verse one day:

So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves, but become strong. Hebrews 12:12-13


This was the verse my grandma Ellie wrote in her testimony many years ago. She had 6 children: 16, 15, 14, 12, 8, and 1. She was tired, stressed, and overwhelmed. She said in her testimony, "In bed at night, I'd review the day. I would think, 'why did I say that? what should I do about this?' Then I would fret and worry until a scripture came to mind. One that was especially meaningful was Hebrew 12:12-13. There was my answer. Get a new grip, stand firm, and mark my way, because those children are following me."

She began to pray scripture for her children and asked God to show her scriptures to pray for whatever was going on in their lives-anxiety, disappointment, anger. She prayed for their Christian walk, their future spouse. She had a notebook with a section for each child. She would write down the verses and date she started praying for them, and then the date when she realized it had been answered.

My mom gave me that verse quite awhile ago.
I had forgotten about it.
Sometimes it seems easier to just pout about a situation.
But I'm realizing that's not helpful for Ellie or Tripp, or even Matt.
It makes me stressed out and no one in the house is having a very enjoyable time.
So...
I am determined to see more of the joys in our daily activities.
I am determined to stop complaining so much about how hard they are.
I am determined to get a "new grip, stand firm, and mark my way" so Ellie and Tripp can follow and learn from a Godly example.

I think I might even keep a little notebook and write down different things I notice that are joys, answers to prayer...reminders of why I am doing what I'm doing!
It'll be fun to look back and remember those special moments and hard trials that I went to God for help, instead of pouted my way through it without really fixing it.